that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
