You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I came so hard my ears popped.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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