I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
