I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
