My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
