butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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