They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
