This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
