Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
