The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
