can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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