So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
