i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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