I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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