Don't you send me to vm
so let's talk penis.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
