How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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