I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want nice things and good sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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