Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
