she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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