And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
