I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
