fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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