he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
