The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
