Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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