is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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