ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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