Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
