why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
