Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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