I've blown a few things in my day
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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