Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
