Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
