Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
time to smoke my breakfast
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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