im having a threesome with these popsicles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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