Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
