She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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