i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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