i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize