So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
