I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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