I'm going to jail i love you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
