But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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