Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize