She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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