How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
