fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
