Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
