Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so let's talk penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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