It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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