I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
