so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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