sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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