I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
