i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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