Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
