You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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