You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i out mim tonsoeep
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
