bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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