a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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