and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
