If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Houston, we have a squirter
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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