It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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