That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
