What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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