My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A bitchslap is in order.
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