like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize