you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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