Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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