worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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