I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
